Posted by: Nanook | April 25, 2010

Survival of the Fittest

Apparently it is NOT a good idea to eat the unfertilized eggs of hideous aquatic life. How do I know that? Because I’m not a drooling idiot. Unlike that moron Darwin.

Darwin Aaron, that is. Last week, in Heber Springs, Arkansas, old Darwin learned that lesson the hard way* when he fed his family eggs from a long-nosed gar fish.

Of course, eating fish is natural, and Darwin knew that gar meat is edible, so he figured he’d try the roe. Besides, if God didn’t want us to eat something, he would have made it is ugly as possible in order to dissuade us from taking a bite. Not like the lovely gar fish–

AAAAAHHHHHHH KILL IT!! BURN IT WITH FIRE!!!

Anyway, after eating portions of this monster’s reproductive system, the family had a nice quiet evening until about 1:00 a.m., when the ten-year-old son became violently ill. Soon, old Darwin and his brother-in-law started vomiting, which, despite the fact that copious amounts of Schlitz had probably been consumed by this time, struck them all as unusual.

So Mrs. Darwin went and googled “gar eggs” and found out that they are in fact highly toxic.

Bobble-head Darwin can only nod his head dumbly as another family slips through his icy claws of death.

*And yes, that link goes to the Minnesota paper. Because idiots poisoning thier children is big news up north.

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Responses

  1. Sorry mister, but you got your story wrong. It wasn’t his brother-in-law and no alcohol was involved. Alligator is just as disgusting looking and someone along the way decided that it was just fine to consume.
    Your humor is very distasteful and I am not amused that you would make such demaning comments (idiot) when you have no personal knowledge of this person.

  2. Oh Clarice, your problem is you need to get more fun out of life.

  3. Your bobble-headed Darwin comment made me LOL 🙂

  4. So, Nanookie, you don’t seem to be as concerned with people eating eggs that come from a chicken’s butt, or chitlin’s that carry the poo poo out of a nasty hog…of course, that would be politically incorrect. Did YOU know gar eggs were poisonous? You also don’t know that the Aarons are fine people who live life and have fun. My gosh….I guess it depends on the amount of money you spend for something whether it is worthy of being eaten, like people who PAY to eat snails or alligator or catfish or tripe or tongue or mountain oysters or…………

    • I like how your sentences are rambling, your apostrophe use unorthodox, and your theme indecipherable. It really keeps me on my toes as a reader. “What will crazy incoherent lady say next?” I wonder, as I fry up an expensive plate of politically incorrect chitlins. (or “chitlin’s”, if you are a product of the Heber Springs school district).

      Anyway, thanks for reading! Always nice to hear from a fan.

  5. You know, the folks above me are right. We should strive to only make jokes that don’t highlight anyone’s misfortune. There’s plenty of fun to be……wait, sorry, this just in, ALL humor is at the expense of something, be it a person or ideal. Sorry Nanook, carry on.

    • Please Ian, a little respect. I prefer “Nanookie.”

  6. […] me, however, is the fact that the offense came after I wrote about the adventures of a fellow named Darwin, who dreamt of one day eating the eggs of one of the most disgusting sea creatures ever and […]

  7. i love karen’s “demaning comments (idiot)” but i’m confused as to whether the word in parentheses refers to someone who thinks you’d have to be drunk to eat the eggs of a fish you caught yourself or whether it refers to someone who can’t spell “demeaning” correctly.

  8. Hey, I’m sure that the Aarons are swell. But you’ve got to admit, the stiuation is kind of funny. Anyway, to give Just Me the benefit of the doubt, “chittlins” is a contracted form of “chitterlings,” if I remember correctly, so maybe the apostrophe is there to indicate a contraction! For myself, I will eat chittlins just about the same time I’ll eat Gar eggs. Or shrimp. Now there’s an ugly animal.

  9. Nanookie,
    You have a way with words, my friend. And I am flattered that you chose to take up precious space on your blog with a story about my family. 🙂

    There is so much that I want to say after reading all of the comments here, but I’ll try to keep them to a minimum.

    #1. Just because the AP released it doesn’t make it gospel. The story was blown way out of proportion. The guys had nothing more than a good case of food poisoning….kinda like eating a bad Sonic burger. Vomiting, diarrhea, etc. I took my son to the hospital simply as a precaution. The Arkansas Game & Fish Commission had reason to believe that the toxin was cyanide based and I was encouraged to take Carson to the local ER to be treated. By the time we got to the ER, AGFC had dug up info stating that the toxin was protein based and there was no need for treatment. They monitored Carson for a couple of hours and we came home. That’s it. Sorry to disappoint, but none of the guys were near death.
    #2. The guys ate the gar eggs out of simple curiosity. Sometimes that happens when guys get together….they encourage each other to do stupid things.
    #3. “demaning” was obviously a typo. Good grief.
    #4. We’re glad to know that we’ve provided you all with a good laugh. We’re laughing too. Just remember, don’t believe everything you read. The AP knew exactly what they were doing when they took the original story and condensed it.

    For a more accurate account of the gar egg story, visit my blog at toxiceggs.blogspot.com. Trust me, the story is waaay better than anything the AP could have written. 😉

    Tiff


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