Posted by: Nanook | June 28, 2010

Getting a head in Arkansas

I once visited Italy, and when I returned I smuggled a couple of bottles of wine through customs without declaring them. Part of the reason was that I didn’t want to go through the hassle at the customs line, but mostly it was because I was young and stupid and didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I also know someone who sneaked some fruit back from an overseas trip. It happens, and thankfully we never had to deal with some snoopy airline worker rifling through our belongings.

The point is: If you were recently traveling through the Little Rock airport and misplaced your luggage containing 60 human heads, local authorities would like to have a word with you.

A Southwest Airlines employee in Little Rock recently called the police after inspecting someone’s luggage and finding almost 60 human heads. 60 Human Heads! It takes a special kind of cool to keep calm in that kind of situation.

'GET THESE MUTHAF*CKING BUSEY HEADS OFF MY MUTHAF*CKING PLANE!'

Apparently, the luggage was being transported to a Fort Worth medical research company, but the heads were not labeled or packaged properly and so local authorities were called in to investigate.

Joe Pesci feels your pain

The county coroner was placed in charge of the heads. Apparently, the fact that the 60 human heads were incorrectly packaged and incorrectly labeled raises some suspicions, and he questions where they came from and if they were properly obtained. There is fear that the heads are part of an underground black-market trade.

What makes me excited about the story—in addition to the fact that it deals with 60 human heads—is the fact that the heads were being sent to Medtronic—a leading medical research company based in my old stomping grounds. Medtronic is a pretty serious player in Minnesota business. There was talk that the new Twins stadium, Target Field, would be named Medtronic Field. A spokesperson for the Minnesota company said it is common to ship body parts for medical education and research, but he said it is rare for a shipment to be seized.

Interestingly, the coroner in Little Rock described the items as 40 to 60 human heads, but Medtronic claims that the packages contained only four heads “and 40 pairs of temporal bone ear blocks.” I’m not sure who is wrong, but it seems like somebody doesn’t know what a human head looks like.

Where does someone find 40-60 human heads? In Wynne, Arkansas, apparently. Wynne is the home of JLS Consulting, a supplier of human body parts. Which leads me to ask: What the f*** kind of “consulting” provides body parts?

'Ya'll might wanna think 'bout diversifying yer funds. Also, wanna buy a human head?'

But according to the Arkansas Secretary of State, JLS’s business license was revoked last year. Still, the company claims that it is not at fault, and blamed the problem on the private courier it had hired to transport the body parts. Which I guess proves what my dad used to say all the time: If you’re going to hire someone to smuggle body parts, never hire the cheapest company in Arkansas.

Nanook's dar is a fount of wisdom

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