Posted by: Nanook | July 2, 2010

Harshing the mellow

There was a time–let’s call it “college”–when I kept company with the type of people who were overly-interested in plants. We can call them “herbologists”**, although a slightly more accurate term might be “stoners”.

Actually, an even more accurate term would just be “college students”.

Nanook misses college.

I distinctly remember a party wherein one of the attendees spent most of the evening convinced that he was floating inside of a house that was also floating above the ground. This same guy spent much of the night simply staring at his hand. It was a pretty good party. One of my best friends used to steal lawn ornaments and turn them into bongs. He could make bongs out of anything. Dude was a genius.

Necessity is the mother of invention, dude.

I’ve said it before, but I think I’m really fortunate to have come of age before the rise of the internet and cell phones. When I was in college, the internet was still used solely for pornography and sending money to Nigerian princes. I shudder to think what images would be floating around cyberspace if social network sites had existed. But times change. Most of those people now have kids of their own, and aside from one guy who actually did become a pharmacist, few of my friends from back then are still involved in the medicinal arts.

Which is probably for the best. Marijuana does kill brain cells (according to “the man”), and at some point it stops being a funny pass-time and starts being a sad, pathetic lifestyle. And it does lead to poor decisions, as evidenced by recent events in Arkansas.

Apparently, a local pot-head was in need of a supplier, so he called up someone he thought would be able to supply him. Unfortunately, the man mistakenly dialed the cell-phone of police detective John Ed Hendricks. Despite being unfortunately named “John Ed”, the detective had the presence of mind to set up a meeting with the would-be buyer. The buyer agreed to meet, and gave the detective his real name.

Ol’ John-Ed ran the buyer’s information and found out that he had a $10,000 breaking and/or entering felony warrant for his arrest. So when the buyer showed up at the meeting, he was promptly arrested.

'Hi officer, I'm here for the weed...wait...what?'

Making the story even more awesome, the stoner had brought his stoner dog with him, but when the police called the stoner’s wife to come pick up the dog, she was afraid she’d be arrested if she showed up so she sent her uncle instead. When the uncle arrived, the police ran his information and found out he had a warrant for unpaid fines. So he was arrested.

Uncle Nolte is Innocent!

According to the article, “The wife eventually picked up the dog, and was not arrested.”

I assume she was simply shot on sight

(**the spell check on my computer keeps wanting to change “herbologist” to “herpetologist”. Which, knowing the class of people I was friends with, might also be true–ZING!)



  1. The garden gnome was the best! Those were the days…

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