When I was growing up, my school’s mascot was The Shamrocks. Even as a kid, I knew it was the most ridiculous mascot ever. The other junior high schools had the Stars and the Cavaliers, but over at Simmons Junior High, we were the mighty Shamrocks. There is simply no way to experience that sort of mascot-driven abasement and emerge unscathed. Obviously, other teams laughed at us. To this day, I’m convinced that had we been the Lions or the Bears, I could have mustered up some scintilla of self-respect that would have encouraged me to excel in the realm of tweeny athletics. As it was, however, no amount of cheering for the Shamrocks could inspire me, or prevent me from being pummeled in 8th grade basketball. It was profoundly emasculating.
Which is why I am so jealous of the Arkansas School for the Deaf. Why? Because their mascot is the Leopard.
How rocking is that? Like my grandma always says, if your school mascot is named after one of the greatest hair-metal bands of all time, no one f**ks with you.