Posted by: Nanook | October 12, 2010

What I did on my summer vacation, part III (*or, quite possibly the most immature thing I’ve ever written*)

We were flushed with piousness as we drove away from the World’s Biggest Cross, and so it was fortunate that our next destination celebrated secular joys. Paris has its Eiffel Tower, New York has the Statue of Liberty, and Gays, Illinois has one of the few remaining multi-story outhouses on the planet.

Nanook immediatly regrets doing a google image search for 'Gays Outhouse'

That’s right, I said a two-story outhouse. As in, a double-decker. As in topsies and bottomsies.

It gives new meaning to the phrase 'dropping a deuce.' Waka Waka.

Though wee in population, the Gays citizens are turgid with pride when dealing with the celebrity outhouse. The town even erected an official highway sign that sits out on the county road, luring in weary travelers interested in historical bathrooms.

It's the only tourist attraction Gays men need

The outhouse stands majestically in a small park named after the late Gene Goodwin, ex-mayor of Gays and president of Gays’ village board. According to the park’s sign, Mr. Goodwin was a “devoted promoter of the Historical Two Story Outhouse”.

It's how he would have wanted to be remembered

Apparently, the upper and lower poop-holes were discretely placed on opposite sides of the structure, allowing droppings from above to plummet out-of-sight (though not, presumably, out of earshot). Sadly, the outhouse is padlocked to keep out tourists seeking to fully experience the joys of this structure.

Despite being unable to micturate inside it, the double-decker outhouse is OK by us.

So beloved is this outhouse that at the center of the park stands a squat billboard containing an original poem. The poem reads:

In England they have urinals
In Paris bidets
But nowhere on earth
Has an outhouse like Gays

The billboard also displays press clippings and town notices under glass. To our immature delight, many of the clippings contained headlines such as “Gays Excited About Outhouse.”

Because why wouldn't they be?



  1. I’m so glad you have discovered Photoshop.

  2. Impressive effort, Nanook! Bonus points for taking advantage of the rare opportunity to fully utilize the word “micturate.”

  3. I like that all the google adds are about toilets.

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