Did you know that white people are a minority in America? Did you know that white people are a minority in the world? Did you know that the white race needs saving? Well, it’s all true. I learned it from my new friend Andrew, the precocious ten-year old writer and star of “The Andrew Show: A Show for White Kids.”
That’s right. This ten-year old has his own web-series aimed solely at whitey.
Andrew and his family (or “klan,” as I believe they like to be called) hail (HEIL!) from Harrison, Arkansas. He’s just like any other normal, well-adjusted kid. He comes off as kind of a brat, has a pretty severe speech impediment, and is the grandson of a national KKK leader.
Admittedly, I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m not sure what I was expecting from a “television show” aired on a website called WHITEPRIDETV.COM. At first, I thought “hey, a little kid being super racist while reviewing movies? That’s comedy gold!”
And I was right.
He’s such a cute little racist! “HI MY NAME IS ANDWEW, AND THIS SHOW IS FO AW THE WHITE KIDS OUT THEW.” Then he goes into a nice little story about Christmastime, and making cookies with his mom. I have to admit, I do kind of love that this kid is super racist but also still very much a little kid with little kid’s logic. He obviously learned his racism from his parents, but they definitely did not help him flesh out his cookie-frosting analogy. That baby is all his: “When you put diffewent colows in it, the white fwosting…it can nevew be white again. Which is how it is when you race-mix. Pwetty much.”
I also really dig the ominous music at the beginning, but I’m pretty sure the music that plays at the end is the Seinfeld theme.
Here’s a video of Andy and his pal Alex reviewing the Disney tale “The Princess and the Frog.”
The best part occurs at around the 1:00 mark. Andy throws the show over to Alex for a “special comment,” but all Alex can muster is some incoherent muttering. As if stunned by this shameful televised faux pas, Andy can merely stare at Alex, shake his head and say “Dat sownds pwetty sad.”
Shockingly, Andy and his siblings are home-schooled. According to his mother, “America’s students today are not taught correct national history and I believe that is a great part of the undoing of our people.” Andy’s sister agrees with this, arguing “What role did black people play in the history of America? I mean no offense, but none.”
His mom’s commitment to his education has paid off, as was evident in the very first show:
Here, he talks about all the wonderful things white people have made “like Awopwanes, caws, cwothes, computews, and maybe other things.” But you know, for a racist, it seems like he’s forgetting an awful lot of pretty important white inventors.
Other things I love about this video:
–Really? Clothes makes the list, but penicillin doesn’t?
–How he spends about 3 minutes just showing off his lego creations before abruptly bringing it back to crazy town with the ending racist rant.