Posted by: Nanook | December 16, 2010

Becoming Santa

Even though there is no snow, it’s finally beginning to look a lot like Christmas. My lovely and vivacious wife and I have put up our tree and decked our hall, and I am settling into that tingly feeling of pre-Noel anticipation. I’ve even received one of my gifts early: a Dyson roller-ball vacuum cleaner. It’s quite possibly the greatest gift I have ever been given.

Nanook has been intimate with the Dyson three times already, much to the dog's chagrin

But recently it occurred to me: by this time next year, we will have a 10 month old. That’s a sobering realization. And then I recalled hearing that there were the three stages of a man’s life:

1. He believes in Santa Clause
2. He doesn’t believe in Santa Clause
3. He is Santa Clause

Next Christmas, I become Santa Clause. This is the last Christmas where I get to be the kid. That thought panicked me at first. The pregnancy is an amazing and wonderful experience, an actual real-life miracle. And most days I’m excited. Most days.

only occasionally do I feel as though I'm staring down the grill of an oncoming express train.

But now I think: maybe it’s okay. It’s exciting, really. I haven’t played with toys for years, yet as I stroll down store aisles I’m actually jealous about how many awesome toys are available. Also, there are a myriad of things adorned with cartoon monkeys that I can buy. Because who doesn’t like monkeys? (Seriously, when I was a kid, if you had given me all the cheese I could eat and a pet monkey, I would have been the happiest child in the history of the world.)

Come to think of it, it'd still be pretty awesome.

And the books! The children’s section of Barnes & Noble has been a crazy trip down memory lane, as I become reacquainted with old friends: Harold, Frog & Toad, Alexander (the jerk who’s having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day). Remember those? Remember Corduroy and the Velveteen Rabbit?

Remember this? EVERYBODY had this book!

I got a vacuum cleaner for Christmas this year, and I thought it was the greatest thing ever. When did I become that guy? This isn’t the last year that I get to be the kid; instead, this is the last year I’ll go through Christmas without experiencing it through my child’s joyful eyes.

I’m really going to enjoy becoming Santa. I can’t wait to meet my son, and watch him as he experiences for the first time the things I loved as a child.

Although I gotta' say, Dr. Seuss is a lot edgier than I remember

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Responses

  1. Awww…sweet Nanookie!

  2. It’s like you’re inside my head…

  3. I have a 10-month-old now. And, come to think of it, a potbelly, a gray beard, and a red-as-hell nose (you know… from all the scotch). You’re right! I’m Santa!

    Friggin’ awesome.

    You make me shoot milk out of my nose with hilarity every time I visit this blog. Which is troubling, since I don’t drink milk. Also, I miss my hometown. Some.

    • Thanks! Are you from Little Rock originally?

      • Yes, pretty much. I was born in North Carolina, and moved there when I was, weirdly, 10 months old. So yeah, at this point I usually just claim it as home. My parents live out Colonel Glenn Road, and my brother and his wife live off Mississippi. I grew up on Colonial Court, off Markham.

        Little Rock Central High grad, class of 89. My brother still teachers there. My sister just moved back.

        I am in huge, huge trouble with my family for not being home for Christmas this year.

        I live in Florida now — Gulfport, the southern border of St. Petersburg.

        For whatever it’s worth to you: best red beans and rice in town is at the Oyster Bar off Markham. Thank me later.

  4. “The Bitch Set Me Up” has to be one of my faves. I mean, c’mon, you can’t beat the ending!


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