Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.

In retrospect, I should have known something like this would happen. Although not offensive by nature, I do have a habit of saying things without thinking through the possible repercussions. So really, it comes as no surprise that I would eventually offend someone on Nanook. What surprises me, however, is the fact that the offense came after I wrote about the adventures of a fellow named Darwin, who dreamt of one day eating the eggs of one of the most disgusting sea creatures ever and poisoning himself.

Darwin recently made that dream a reality.

Only in America, baby!

I am by no means a lazy person—ask anyone, and they will happily proclaim that Nanook is not one to wantonly shirk his duties or dismiss his responsibilities. But I admit that, when I was writing on Darwin’s noxious comestible selections, I basically cut and pasted the text right from the Associated Press story. Which I know will disappointment the many readers out there who come to Nanook for my keen sociological insight and deft political commentary.

and dick jokes!

Now remember, I have written about Olive Garden white trash, I’ve written about midget wrestling, and God knows I’ve taken [those rat bastard goat-humpers] PODS to task, so it surprised me that what rankled the most was my repeating the AP story about ol’ Gar-fish Darwin.

I bet he's not going to like that nickname

The first comment took me down a peg for getting my facts wrong. I had misread the article—it was not Darwin’s brother-in-law that took part in the feast, but his brother. I apologize for not giving the family the respect it undoubtedly deserves.

Tell me again which one got the brains, and which one got the looks?

I let the comment pass with a mere two dismissive wanking motions—after all, “Karen” was right on all counts: I HAD gotten the facts incorrect, alligator IS disgusting looking, and my humor IS distasteful.

Except for the dick jokes!

But the second objection, as you can see, needed a response. “Just Me” wrote:
“So, Nanookie, you don’t seem to be as concerned with people eating eggs that come from a chicken’s butt, or chitlin’s that carry the poo poo out of a nasty hog…of course, that would be politically incorrect. Did YOU know gar eggs were poisonous? You also don’t know that the Aarons are fine people who live life and have fun. My gosh….I guess it depends on the amount of money you spend for something whether it is worthy of being eaten, like people who PAY to eat snails or alligator or catfish or tripe or tongue or mountain oysters or…………”

Well, that kind of incoherent gibberish is simply over the line, and this aggression most certainly would not stand. So I retaliated. Right or wrong, when someone writes “nanookie” and rambles about hog “poo poo” being politically incorrect, I feel the need to respond.

But in all seriousness, the story would not be as funny if anyone had actually died from eating the gar-eggs. (It may still be a little funny, but not much). So let me take this moment to honestly say that I’m happy that everything turned well for Darwin and his family, and that I sincerely apologize for any offense caused.

DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK JOOOOOOOOOOKE